This post is shared from my lifestyle design blog for millennials, The Fab Life Project!
Have you ever wanted to just start over and do something completely new and different?
The idea to disrupt my life didn’t come to me in a rush, but instead in the form of waves that seemed to grow bigger by the day.
The first wave happened the night before I was laid off from my job as the Digital Partnerships Manager at a non-profit focused on education reform in August of 2017. Following a tip from one of my colleagues, I checked my work email at around 8:00 pm to discover an email from the CEO stating that more cuts (we’d had a round of layoff happen in May) would have to be done. He wrote, that if you had an email from your boss, you needed to schedule a meeting immediately. The next email I saw was the one from my boss.
I closed my computer and sat on my bed stunned. But only for a second, because my next reaction was to laugh hysterically. What was so funny? Well, the next morning I was planning on getting up early and trudging down to an apartment rental company in my Queens neighborhood where I would have proceeded to sign a year-long lease for a studio apartment that would have cost me around $18,000 a year.
That’s a lot of money in general, but a hefty sum when you don’t have a job!
That email saved me from signing my freedom and savings away and honestly shocked me into evaluating my life.
What was I doing? What did I want? Was I living in a way that felt intentional to me? Was I just letting the years pass me by?
Years earlier, I had gotten into minimalism, the practice of owning barely anything in an effort to live a simple life focused more on experiences than physical things, and yet, here I was about to spend a ton of money on furniture, appliances, and tzchatkes for my apartment.
That moment shifted my thinking and woke me up. I realized that I’d almost allowed myself to give up on one of the dreams I have that has been haunting me: taking time off to travel and live abroad.
The Inspiration
I first learned about people who lived life in unconventional ways in my early 20s. One of the first books I read “Delaying The Real World” by Colleen Kinder gave me insight into a world I hadn’t been raised to know. I started learning more about gap years, backpacking, and programs that are catered to young people who want to explore the world before they jump into their corporate careers.
Next, I read Chris Guillebeau’s “The Art of Non-Conformity”. Chris’ quest was to visit all 192 UN nations (he did it!) and write and inspire people along the way. I’ve had a chance to meet him several times. Each time I became more inspired to learn more about different ways to design life.
I was always curious about what this whole “non-conformity” thing could look like for me, but
in the years that followed, I placed my dream on the back burner. I took some time off to freelance back in 2011 but ended up back at work. I don’t regret this choice–the work experiences I had allowed me to meet great, inspiring people, and expand my skill set beyond writing and editing, but I’d never forgotten my dream.
Well, until that studio apartment came my way.
That moment encouraged me to take a step back and see where both my heart and my head were at. I realized that it had been a long time since I’d done either. I remember sitting on my bed, and glancing over at my bookshelf. The title that caught my eye was “Tales of A Female Nomad” by Rita Golden-Gelman, a book I’d randomly found in Barnes and Noble a few years ago, and have treasured ever since.
The book outlines Rita’s adventures as a newly divorced, female solo traveler in her fifties. I’ve reread that book what feels like a thousand times.
I can’t say my idea formed at that moment, but there was a spark.
I ended up getting another job, scoring a sweet role as the Strategic Communications Manager for a documentary production company and nonprofit. My first trip with the company was to Sundance, the renowned film festival that takes place in Park City, Utah every January. Two major things happened on that trip:
- I learned about this concept of a “Jesus Year” the 33rd year of your life in which personal transformations are supposed to abound.
- During a convening, I was asked to dedicate my presence in the room to someone, and I chose my mother, Shirley Adams. That day happened to be the 18th anniversary of her death.
I didn’t know it then, but these two things would set the stage for what would become a year that felt like one of the most open and personally transformative for me.
My Jesus Year
My 33rd birthday was on February 28th, 2018. As the saying goes, “33 owes me nothing!”. I completed my goal of traveling to three countries (England, Bermuda, and South Africa), made new friends, deepened my relationships with others, enjoyed life as a single woman after being in a two-year relationship, and learned new things. I had a darn good year.
To the second point, I spent a lot of 2018 engaging with grief in a way I haven’t in the previous 18 years.
I’d found and joined a group “Motherless Daughters”, read books and articles, shared my tips on how people can support those who are grieving in their life, and even hosted a Mother’s Day event for my fellow sisters and brothers who have experienced mother loss. I stretched, I shifted, and I allowed myself to change.
My mama has been gone for a long time now, but if you are someone who knows life with grief, you know that it is a broader thing that will always cast a shadow on my life. As I’ve learned to live with grief, I’ve observed that it changes over time. You never really stop being sad, but it opens up new emotions and opportunities for you which is sometimes a small solace, and at other times, a saving grace.
One of the most painful things about remembering my mother is thinking about the things she never got to do. Like, get on an airplane, traveling around the United States in a Winnebago, or starting her own business. Those are the things that haunt me.
Although that angst does fuel some of my deep desire to travel, this feeling of wanting to see as much of the world as I can has been with me since I was a little girl, inspired by the many locations and settings of the books I was reading. My heart’s home will always be Memphis, Tennessee, but I’ve always known that I wanted to explore beyond the city limits.
Those feelings coming together have been the impetus for many of the trips I’ve taken, but now that I’m embarking on this larger adventure, you might be wondering “so, why now?”
So, I Go.
Well, despite last year being pretty incredible, I also found myself at a fork in the road.
After nearly 10 years in New York City, the joy I used to feel for it wasn’t there anymore. There were some cosmetic changes I could make (new apartment, new neighborhood, maybe even a new job), but I had this deep feeling that I needed to expand my perspective again the way I did when I first left Tennessee.
The other consideration was the timing of both career and life. The first time I wanted to take a break to explore, it was pretty early in my career. I was green and just making my way. This time I have more experience under my belt that I believe will only be enhanced by this time period.
From the life perspective, I am a woman who wants to eventually partner up (I don’t settle, my friends!) and perhaps add some little human (or fur-baby) commitments to my life. I am under no illusion that the level of personal freedom I have now is anything but sacred and fleeting as it should be.
So, I go.
I hope that you will join me for the journey. I’ll be trying my best to stay present in the moment, so I don’t know how many of these longer posts I’ll get to do, but I will be sharing pics and thoughts here. Join me on the gram!
P.S.
I’d love to answer some of your questions. What would you like to know? Tell me in the comments!
P.P.S.
The links to the books above contain affiliate links. I can only recommend things or link to items that I absolutely love. It’s just the way I operate!
